An anonymous feeding journey

An anonymous feeding journey:

Kia Ora, the walk to our lil starseed was very precious after many baby loss including our boy at 20weeks, so the walk to this lil gem was one that was monitored very closely by an amazing obstetrician and specialist appointments. First off I needed to have a cerclage inserted at 24weeks, then we found our lil gem was measuring on the smaller side therefore continued close monitoring. Throughout my pregnancy, breastfeeding was a korero often spoken about from day dot and continued to be a regular korero. I had a number of close family and friends that had multiple children and were negative about breastfeeding and tried to project their negative experience onto myself. I was strong enough to not embody others personal experiences and be open minded. Being open minded I had to consider my own health and wellbeing physically and emotionally. Therefore being a busty 18GG, I felt it would be challenging to feed my baby knowing she was small, I'm talking 5.5lb at full term small. I started to think how stressed I would be trying to feed her with visitors or being out and about and that I had no idea what I was doing and only knew one other busty mama and she struggled. Now 34weeks pregnant I was diagnosed with severe pre eclampsia due to high blood pressure and small baby and I was induced.

I had my baby girl and she weighed 3.5lb she was swept away to NICU, due to severe diagnosis I was required to be supervised by a midwife. The first night the midwife caring for me was absolutely amazing. She encouraged me to at least give colostrum to my baby but I was tired and lethargic, we shared our baby loss stories and had a great connection. She hand expressed every 3hours for me and every time she did it my supply increased. I went and had my first visit to see my baby 28hrs after I birthed her, and had my first cuddle. She was on tube and in an incubator she had a lil cry and they gave her a drop of my fresh colostrum and she settled my heart just melted and I felt so much love to nourish her myself with natural breast milk that I can provide. I was then told I had unlimited access to support from the 2 lactation consultants and all the reasons why I though breast feed my premature baby. I was given a breast pump to use during our NICU stay and boom I was into it pumping around the clock. I found it so challenging coming and going from NICU but even more so pumping at night with no baby to wake up to. I got myself into a routine. I developed edema and was close to getting mastitis once my supply came through to fully feed my baby breast milk within 3days of having her. My baby was on 46mls and I was pumping 90ml so I was always 1 feed ahead. My supply kept on creeping up and if I missed a pump which was a big no no I would double sometimes triple. My girl was just too little to try get her latching but we always tried just to help with her senses.

By weeks 2 she was showing signs so this is where the journey begun, from that day on we progressed. By the time she was 2 and half weeks old she was fully breastfeeding using a shield and we were out of NICU and back home by the beach where we belong. She is now 7 weeks old weighs just under 7lb and has never decreased in weight. We are currently working towards no shield but but waiting for her mouth to grow a little bigger. I have loved this journey and I am so blessed to have the phenomenal intimate support of the lactation consultants I now have phone numbers I can call for lactation consultants if we need assistance which I will utilize transitioning off the shields. My pumping has reduced meaning I am now producing supply to her requirements, I do pump once a day just to keep a steady freezer stock. The milk supply I bought home from NICU is pretty impressive too.

Overall after all the negativity through out my pregnancy journey and also myself feeling anxious to doing the complete opposite is amazing I am so proud of myself my partner praises me and my baby is thriving, we are so delighted and happy with our decision and also we have so much gratitude that I could provide this supply for my baby as I know through meeting other NICU mamas that it ain't easy and not everyone can provide this for their babies. Ps I had to buy a mini freezer to store my breast milk!